A huge thing happened last week...
Last week, a 15-year-old student brought a gun into our school and killed himself in the bathroom.
Last week, my sense of safety in school was shattered. There was a gun in the school and as a result, someone is dead.
Last week, many of my students had to deal with death- and suicide- up close and personal.
Last week, I sat in a group counseling session with my colleagues- my friends- and we shared our feelings about the suicide. While I was not involved in the incident whatsoever, I learned that several of my colleagues were quite involved.
The last adult to speak to the victim. Just a casual, "Hello" in the hallway.
Holding up a sheet of plywood to block students' view of the bathroom as the paramedics removed the victim.
Hearing the gun shot from the computer lab that the student walked right by on the way to the bathroom.
The first person to enter the bathroom and find the student.
Bringing medical supplies to help administer care until the paramedics arrived
And others...
I cried for my friends...for my students...for the family of this kid...and for the kid himself. How could anything be that bad? Why didn't he feel like he could ask for help? His actions caused so much sadness and fear in our community. Why? WHY?
Then I felt angry. Angry that the actions of one person could have such a wide-ranging impact on so many people. Angry at how incredibly insensitive the media can be. Angry that some people feel that they have the right to criticize our school and our administration...I'm not sure anyone knows exactly how horrific that day must have been for them. It's just not fair that we are having to deal with this.
You know what other things aren't fair?
That this boy lost himself in his depression.
That his parents lost their youngest son, that his siblings lost their little brother.
That our students lost a friend, a teammate, one of them.
That our administration has to defend their actions to the public, some of who claim we didn't handle the situation appropriately.
And finally, it's not fair that in a couple of weeks, a lot of people will be back to relative normal. I wonder now what "normal" even is.
I don't understand suicide, and likely never will. None of it seems fair.